DEAR TIRE SLASHER,

dear tire slasher,

after a few hours on the phone with my insurance company to arrange my supposed 'covered by policy' towing (at one point just for the principle of it all) and finding out from my mechanic Ava that i have 'special' sized tires that cost twice as much as other tires... i have decided that i don't like you anymore mr. (or ms.) TIRE SLASHER.

at first i thought it was kind of funny... waking up a little eary up to go to work, starting the engine and driving down parkman ave only to hear a 'thump, thump' as i veer to turn onto sunset blvd... and think 'oh it's a flat' i get out to inspect 'oh it's two flats' i further inspect 'oh, two large holes that look to have been stabbed into my front and back tires' i further ponder 'oh someone slashed my tires, hahahaha'.... funny at first. at first.

well, tire slasher, you and your midnight escapade last night has caused me some problems today. even though i'm soooo anti the man and dealing with authority, i'm going to have to file a police report and also spend $300 to get my car up and running, and have to deal with a very snickery mechanic who likes to hold my hand when he talks to me. argh.

tire slasher, why did you decide to slash my tires, i mean they were the only ones slashed in a full street of parked cars? what made me special? i feel like i've been putting some pretty good vibes out there in the world. i am a whole-hearted believer in karma. did i offend? or is it just random? or are you my neighbors who are still mad that i parked in the public street spot you somehow manage to claim as your own even thought it's public property?

geez, i'm ready for a drink tonight can you buy me a drink later mr. or ms. tire slasher... that way i'm only like $288 in the hole instead?

well tire slasher, hope we can chill later.

your victim,

ana

ps: happy birthday nate van dingleberry.